OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ttyl tear gas
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
