I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
