She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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