Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
