Your dad touched me again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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