if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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