Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
