So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
