Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
