so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
