You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
