Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
