the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
