I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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