Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
