Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
