WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
