dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
