I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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