so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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