Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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