the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
birth control should be required to get into college
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
