Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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