My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
