Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
