she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
