You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
