You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
