So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ketchup is God's man juice
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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