i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
