i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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