I accidentally burped into my bong.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
