all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
