This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
