My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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