this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's blow job season.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
