so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
