i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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