It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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