I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
