I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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