But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
