I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
