Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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