note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
