Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
