Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
