almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
