she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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