I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My first STD was from a foam party
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
