i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
