Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
