so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i came on her dog
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
