Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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