How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
