I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My vagina just clenched in fear
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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