Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
