I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
