Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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