Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
