i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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