I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
