The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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