John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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