The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
