I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
