He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
