I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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