My brain says no but my pants say off.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
