I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
