Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
