i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
