Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm jealous of your bromance
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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