I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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